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Enemy of the diver: A selection of ‘Enemies of the Diver!

Monofilament line, the Enemy of the Diver

The introduction and selection of 'enemies' are direct extracts from the book which will soon be published in print. If you have any comments or personal experiences, please use the comment form at the foot of the article. Enjoy...

So what's this blasted book all about?

One of the greatest advertisements on TV in the United Kingdom was Ronseal®: It does exactly what is says on the tin®.

For my worldwide readership I will briefly explain: A miserable bloke shows you exactly what Ronseal® does (demonstrates a range of external wood treatment products) then rams the label on the front of the tin close-up to the camera - that's it. This book does just that, so logically...

Enemy: a thing that harms or injures; an adversary or opponent alternatively something or someone that is trying to kill you or generally piss you off.

Diver: a person who dives; a person who wears a diving-suit to work under water alternatively rubber clad menfish hurling themselves into the inky blackness for fun.

All the stuff I talk about in the following pages are based on my personal experience. I have also rummaged through the piles of recommendations provided by various diving organisations, read magazines, but most importantly talked to other divers and skippers out there. Finally, I consulted the Incidents Report compiled by the British Sub Aqua Club; the governing body for underwater activities in the UK.

I have tried to illustrate a broad range of potential 'enemies' irrespective of whether you dive in cold, temperate or tropical waters.

What its not...

It's not a definitive list, nor is it strictly ordered. Sadly divers find themselves in bother for a variety of reasons - sometimes quite bizarre - which change the number one enemy year on year. Finally its not just a compendium of things that will kill you, they just might badly piss you off.

So hopefully my words of relative wisdom will keep you amused, but also might just help you stay alive longer and at the very least enjoy your diving more.

Before I start, an apology

At the best of times I am not very Politically Correct (PC). If you are easily offended and exhibit ludicrous levels of political correctness, stop reading now and take this book back for a refund. If you exhibit normal levels of 'PC', read after the 2100 watershed. If you are not PC at all, either leave this book next to the loo or with your dive kit!

I do make one 'PC' concession in advance with respect to gender i.e. men (gentlemen) and women (ladies). I occasionally use terms such as 'rubber clad menfish' or 'seamen' and these apply to both genders: its ridiculous to say personfish, ladyfish, womanfish, seafarer, seawomen or seaperson. Statement on 'PC' now over...

Enemy of the diver #1: Monofilament line

According to the Nautical Archaeology Society there are probably over 250,000 wrecks around the UK and many more around the world. These man-made scrapheaps form the basis for artificial reefs and soon become populated with a host of marine organisms, many of which are fish... Fish of course are very good to eat but also fulfil one of 'mans' basic urges - to be a 'Hunter Gatherer'.

Every hour of the day flotillas of vessels, large and small, leave the relative safety of land to brave the oceans in search of these critters. Some go in teams with big nets and others with rods and line.

Wrecks of course, have protruding bits and gaps where things can get lodged and therefore many of our wreck sites are festooned with discarded trawler nets (the subject of another 'enemy') and monofilament (fishing) line. Even on the surface it can be difficult to see, but in the underwater gloom, it can be virtually impossible.

So what happens? Well you are swimming along minding your own business when you feel yourself slowing. Is the tide beginning to pick up? Is your buddy fooling around and holding on to your cylinder? No, the chances are you have been caught by a fiendish strand of line.

What to do about it

Monster dive knife

My first experience of diving was training in Curaçao. I remember seeing two very cool looking, older, tanned, Dutch divers leaning against a wall having a cigarette. On their legs were machete sized knives. I stood in wonderment imagining the giant squid and sea monsters they must have wrestled in their time. I realise now of course that they were basically 'dick extensions' and not worth a jot when up against a real foe that can just as certainly kill you as an oceanic whitetip.

What you really need instead of a bloody broadsword is a very small sharp knife with a serrated edge (difficult to find as marine grade stainless steel is not good for sharpening - titanium is better), a dedicated line cutter (shaped a bit like a hook) or my favourite, a pair of surgical trauma sheers.

I know, they don't look tough and sexy as you can appear to be going to a sewing class but they are very effective when dealing with this diabolical problem. One thing though: Make sure you practice with whatever tool you choose. Scissors and gloved hands are not a match made in heaven....

How to turn this enemy into a friend...

Hmmm. Difficult one this, rather like turning Darth Vader away from the 'dark side' of the force.

Enemy of the diver #4: Incorrect weighting

A divers quiz...

  • Q1. What happens to the volume of gas spaces (like dry-suits and BCD's ie Buoyancy Control Devices) between 10m depth and the surface?

    A1. They double in volume.

    Correct.

  • Q2. What happens if you have gas in these spaces when you are sat around six meters doing a safety or decompression stop and a small change of depth occurs (up or down)?

    A2. The volume of the air space expands or contracts markedly because the pressure change between 10 meters (SP) and the surface is the greatest.

    Well done.

  • Q3. What is the effect of having too much ballast (that's another word for lead) when you are at the end of a dive and doing your stop?

    A3. I still have loads of air in my dry-suit / BCD

    Can't get one over on you, can I?

  • Q4. Carrying on from Q3, what happens if you rise a little?

    A4. The gas space expands like buggery and I end up on the surface because I can't dump the expanding gas fast enough.

    Fantastic.

  • Q5. Again carrying on from Q3, what happens if you descend a little?

    A5. The gas space contracts like buggery and I end up descending quickly which I correct by putting more gas into the dry-suit / BCD. As I start to rise again the gas starts to expand so quickly that I can't dump it fast enough and I end up on the surface.

    Outstanding: you should think of writing a book...

  • Q6. What happens if you have had an uncontrolled ascent and miraculously you have avoided a Decompression Injury?

    A6. I go back to the car and put on more ballast because I need it to keep me down...

    Wrong, you are a nobhead - read the above questions and answers and try again!

OK, that's all a bit light-hearted but I am afraid its true in so many divers I see. They are terrified of an uncontrolled ascent so they add ballast.

Recently I was running a British Sub Aqua Club (BSAC) Instructor Foundation Course. I was in the pool watching all the instructor trainers doing their stuff and I spotted one of the students with a virtually full BCD kneeling on the bottom.

During one of the breaks I went over to see the hapless student with his instructor trainer and asked if I could have a look at his weight belt. It contained 14Kg (31lb) of lead. I asked him why it was so heavy "I have always had that weight-belt ever since I started diving and I am used to it". At the end of the session he wasn't using a belt at all...

Once you have experienced true neutral buoyancy with the minimum possible ballast you can feel when it's wrong...

What to do about it
  • Make sure your weighting is correct so that at the end of the dive you can hold a stop at 6m with a nearly empty cylinder and very little gas in your dry-suit / BCD (just enough to prevent pinching - no more)
  • Weight yourself correctly for each dive bearing in mind where you are diving ie saltwater or freshwater and what kit you are wearing ie changing thickness of wetsuits / undersuits or adding / removing kit such as pony cylinders
How to turn this enemy into a friend...

Simple, always dive correctly weighted...

Enemy of the diver #12: Re-breather divers

This device is capable of killing you without warning If you are expecting me to have a rant here about 'boxes of death' or the brand new 'dreeblesplodge' re-breather that not only allows you to breath underwater but makes the tea and levitates you free of the water at the end of the dive, you are wrong.

If you notice, the heading is 'rebreather divers', not 'rebreathers'! They are generally very safe pieces of kit but in many incidences are operated by total muppets and/or have been trained by Gonzo himself (in case you don't know, that's a muppet). Why people can't follow simple instructions!

I have seen people ignore the pre-flight checks and just jump in hoping for the best. Others ignoring the fact that the positive and negative checks show there is a leak in the loop. "Oh, it will be fine we are only popping down to 35 meters".

The Dive Manager asks: "How much time do you have left on your scrubber?" Diver replies: "Oh, about an hour I think"... I THINK!!!!

One of my particular favourites is "I have plenty of gas; I can stay under for for six days on the 10 bar I have remaining in my 100% Oxygen cylinder".

Having said all this, some excellent divers have perished whilst using this kit but inevitably more 'technical' diving has greater risks attached; people get up to mischief on open circuit too.

The people I feel sorry for are the buddies of these fools and of course the emergency services who end up hauling the bodies out. I have some more specific re-breather enemies later on in the book. Enjoy.

What to do about it

Do the checks and if there is any problem bin the dive. If you are a buddy, make sure they do the checks. Also know the signs and symptoms of carbon dioxide toxicity, hyperoxia, hypoxia and finally understand how to rescue them if there is a problem.

How to turn this enemy into a friend...

Learn to love your unit. Treat it with respect, talk to it, sleep with it, ask it questions, have it regularly serviced and make sure you have all the spares you need: Rebreathers are for the anally retentive.

Enemy of the diver #35: The integrated regulator / BCD inflater

Scubapro Air2 integrated regulator and BCD inflater

I am sorry if I am teaching grandma to suck eggs (where did that expression come from?) but for the uninitiated it's worth an explanation what these devices actually are. Basically it is a combination of a standard BCD inflator/dump (which you use to add or dump gas, usually located at the end of the corrugated hose) and a secondary air source (or alternate supply).

If you are wondering how the hell a potentially life saving piece of kit can be an enemy of the diver, answer these few questions...

  • Q1. Where is the dump control on a standard BCD inflate / dump valve and what does it look like?

    A1. A button on the end of the control.

  • Q2. Where is the purge valve on the integrated regulator / inflater and what does it look like?

    A2. A button on the end of the control.

  • Q3. What happens when you vent air from the BCD using this valve?

    A3. Bubbles of gas come out of the mouthpiece.

  • Q4. What happens when you purge gas from a regulator?

    A4. Bubbles of gas come out of the mouthpiece.

Do you see what I am driving at? The buttons, process and appearance are all exactly the same but the effects are dramatically different.

In the event of an emergency, when a casualty is being lifted using a controlled buoyant lift (or other technique) and gas needs to be dumped from the BCD, you may think you are dumping gas but in reality you are purging the secondary regulator...

I have experience of this, again on my very first open water boat dive off Curaçao, in the beautiful Netherlands Antilles.

As I was just learning to dive, I borrowed my mate's Buddy Commando BCD fitted with an 'AutoAir'. I was buddied with a brand new PADI divemaster (hereafter referred to as butch Dutch) who was introduced to me on the quayside. He helped me load my kit onto the boat.

Being a new diver I was very impressed with his charismatic personality and extensive kit. 'Butch' was about 6' 5" with a shock of blond wiry hair and penetrating blue eyes... He was bristling with stuff - black wetsuit and fins, two computers, multiple knives, torches, the lot.

We entered the water and I started to descend (no shot line of course) stopping at 2m to sort out my kit. 'Butch' thought I was in trouble, so he swam over and tried to dump gas from my BCD. With no thorough buddy check, he didn't know about the 'AutoAir' and was purging the regulator; there were bubbles everywhere. It looked like a scene from Ian Fleming's Thunderball as I was trying to beat him off and he was determined to get all the gas from my BCD. Eventually I had to punch him in the nose to stop him form emptying my cylinder; lesson learned.

What to do about it

Well, if you must use one of these devices make sure everyone understands the controls during the buddy check. Be sure to point out where the dump for the jacket is and the purge for the regulator.

How to turn this enemy into a friend...

If you are a manufacturer reading this please look at moving the regulator purge button to another location!!!

Remember

I really want you all to participate and give me some of the 'Enemies' you have encountered in your diving career so please comment below. These enemies can be in or out of the water; anything used will be credited to you!

If you want to make an advanced order, please contact me and I will put you on the list.

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Enemy of the diver

Buoyancy workshop

Finding a boat

BSAC Talk

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